Such Sweet Sorrow

These last few days I've been practicing letting go.

I've given away books, clothes, shoes, even bedsheets.

Until now I've held onto these things, pretty uselessly. The books sat on shelves collecting dust. Holding all the information I'd love to know but never made the time to take in and digest.

The clothes tucked away, or in the closet hanging, waiting for the day I might stray from my usual 'fits... but rarely ever did.

The shoes. Oh my gosh the shoes. So many I wish I had the nerve to wear, but honestly, I should have never wasted the money. They look great, but realistically I'd never actually wear them.

I kind of wish shoes were a transferable thing. Material to digital, and back again. Cuz storing shoes, no less packing them, is a frustrating, space wasting, kinda gross thing. Between not knowing what kind of bacteria or street scum the soles hold, and the not so wonderful smell, shoes are kind of just inconvenient all around. That is, until you need them.

I don't even know what shoes to bring with me? It's gotta be something comfortable, versatile, washable, and did I say, comfortable? I'm thinking a pair of Under Armer sneaks and shower flip-flops.

Meaning my salsa shoes aren't making the cut for this journey… sadly.

There's so many other things I still want to give away. Plants mostly. Craft supplies… maybe?

But then there's things no one would ever want. Things only I appreciate.

Like my many dried roses, my feathers, my rocks, my crystals, my figurines, my random books, my old bong. My jewellery. Old bottles. My "cool" quarter collection. My art. I can't give those things away.

Luckily, I live with my Dad, so my room should stay in tact. But what if I don't come back? Those things, all those things I love, will just be... There, lost, with no meaning to anyone but me.

It makes me kind of sad, really.

And I'd almost stay, if just for that. To stay comfortable in my little fortress of things I've collected that hold so many precious memories. The things that feel extra special, because they are only special to me.

This is what makes me sad. Not leaving my people, but leaving behind these pieces of me. Seems kinda self-centred, but I can't catch up with my things.

You know what I mean?

That's it for now.

All my love