Emotion = Energy in motion

I often feel alienated about how I express and feel.

I’m so open about my emotions because they are written on my face and in my body language that I have no choice but to say them out loud. If I don't feel safe enough to do that, my anxiety kicks in and I have to leave.

I can fight them, and try to pretend they aren’t there, but it makes me feel ingenuine.

For a long time I was convinced they were a weakness, an inconvenience. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still feel that way at times.

It makes me wish other people expressed themselves more emotionally. Spoke their thoughts so I didn’t have to try to read their minds.

I wish people, more specifically men, just accepted that IT’S OKAY TO CRY.

I wish they understood that tears come with anger, and they are not weakness OR inconvenience, BUT pure energy leaving the body. That tears are indicators of the severity of hurt and frustration and not distractors from the issue at hand.

I personally think that people who are not afraid to cry, or at least show emotion, are the realest ones. They are the easiest for me to relate to, though I may not always have the right thing to say.

And that's really the issue with dealing with other people's emotion, is knowing what to say. But for the person expressing their hurt, I think it's fair to say that they just want to be HEARD.

Expressing your feelings is not easy. For me, there's often fear and shame mixed into the message. Does this person even care? Do I care too much? Does this emotional display make me inferior? Do they get the upper hand because they care less? It's all just such a fucking mess in my head that I'd rather walk away and suppress it, than open that can of worms.

If I've ever confronted you with my hurt feelings it means a few things.

1) I care, A LOT about you

2) Our connection makes me feel safe enough to express myself, and

3) You let me down

My opening up may or may not say this to you. But by doing this, I do not want you to walk away because it's too inconvenient. If you push it back on me, "you're taking it too personally", that's gonna be a big "fuck you" from me. Take some gd responsibility, this is a two way street.

Then there's the ones who apologize too quickly, who make you feel like you're being shut up. They're placating, not listening, not hearing what they did to stir this up.

I want you to stay, COMMUNICATE, ask questions, own up, and show me you care in some way. Or tell me you don't so I know to not give the relationship so much weight. It is not meant to be heavy, it doesn't mean that's where we'll stay. Help me clear it up, so we can move forward in calm waters.

It's ok to disagree, but have the conversation. Find a middle ground to stand on. Negotiate, compromise, find a way to make peace.

Maybe empathy doesn't come naturally, and sure it takes effort, but in terms of relationship building and foundation, it's so damn important.

Emotion is such a natural part of being alive, that literally without them, we feel numb and "dead inside". To not address them, is a masquerade of life. It's a mockery, a parody of the real thing, and it won't have any depth to be reached.

No relationship is great ALL the time. But owning up to your part in the relationship and being present in times of conflict is a necessary key to keeping it alive.

I'm not just talking about romantic couples. If you have a connection and memories and secrets and inside jokes, it doesn't matter if your friends, siblings, or neighbours, you HAVE a relationship with that person, and you owe it to them to show up, or get out. Don't just let them hang.

I feel EVERYTHING. At least that's how it seems. And I'm not going to change that or suppress that for anyone. My comfort comes first, so that my conscience can stay clear. And if that makes you feel something, well sorry, but I'm not sorry, my dear.

Full of the feelings,

G