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Okay... But why?


Why I am doing this?

Why am I putting myself out there for the world to read what I think?

Why am I giving you the opportunity to see into my mind, into my life? Know my most personal things?

For a long time I lived with a notion that everyone was similar inside. Even though I KNEW it wasn't true, a lazy part of my mind just believed it, because the alternative was too overwhelming to consider.

I mean, physiologically speaking, we ARE pretty much all the same. Psychologically, even then there are common themes and categories. Camps of thought, and teams of popular opinions.

When we "relate' to people, we see pieces of ourselves in others and think we must have similar processes. We hear someone say something we agree with, or inhabit a certain lifestyle or belief system, and we feel a connection to them.

But then there's the people we don't see ourselves in. The one's we don't connect to, who say things we don't agree with or relate to, and we think, "that's not my kind of person". What happens next is we shun that person, or avoid them. We might even speak negatively of them, and develop an opinion of who they are, and why they are who we think they are.

I've been guilty of this process more times than I care to admit. I became aware of it, and felt weird about it, almost like, ashamed.

I started to question my reasoning. Why don't I like this person, really? What is it about them that I don't like? What is this dislike rooted in? Jealousy? Contempt? Past trauma? Or do I see in them something that I don't like about myself, but fail to acknowledge.

Who am I to decide who that person is and if they are a good person or not, based on whether I can relate to them or not?

Why am I so repelled by this person, just because they are "different"? Why am I so drawn to people only when I find a commonality? Why can't I accept others for who they are regardless of whether I resonate with them or not?

Once I started doing this, I found I was able to overcome my opinions and fabricated beliefs about a person, and actually see JUST a person. A beautiful person, with a heart and soul and wants and needs, who was just living life in their way, the way they wanted or knew how.

Whats more, is that none of it had to do with me. It wasn't meant to offend me, or appease me, or annoy me. If it did, then it was a problem with ME, not THEM.

It didn't mean I began to like them, sometimes I did, but mostly what it DID was neutralize me, and my feelings towards them. Sure, there are polarizing people. But I didn't have to take the contrast to heart, and I certainly didn't have to stress over it.

Now, to answer my own questions:

I realized that, for as much as I thought that what I do and what I think is commonplace… it's not.

I realized, that for as much as I relate to people, and they connect to me, I will never be like them, and coincidently, they will never be like me. And that that is the BEAUTY of humanity. Our diversity. Our variety, from extreme to subtlety. And a word that doesn't exist but I feel it should: our hybreed.

I accepted that: I am not ordinary. And very likely never will be.

I came to understand that my thoughts and feelings are MESSAGES to be shared, not obvious everyday thinkings.

So that's why I'm here. It's not for money or fame or celebrity.

It's for self expression. For outreach, for one-way forum, and freedom of speech.

My soapbox will not be in your face, but it will be accessible and open to anyone who cares to listen.

Some people do it with fashion, other people with music, and I do it with words. By publishing them to the ether, I feel I'm being heard. Even if no one were actually reading.

From my thoughts,

G

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