All Aboard the Friend Ship!

So according to Facebook, today is "Friends' Day". According to Google, international friendship day is July 30. Since these are both completely arbitrary, it doesn't really mean anything. Everyday is "friends" day, if you wanted it to be.

This past weekend I spent an amazing night with some beautiful souls. Inspired by that, I wrote this post about friendship, but wasn't sure if I would post it or not. I wasn't sure if the message was strong enough. Or if it was too obvious or too predictable.

Upon seeing the Facebook video about my friendships, I decided it was a sign from the Universe. Giada, you gotta post that post. So here it goes:

* * *

I've often wondered what it means to be a good friend.

Does it mean being in contact weekly or even daily?

Does it mean remembering their parents names?

Does it mean buying them expensive things for their birthdays?

I don't think so.

I know it DOES mean being a good listener, being supportive, and being present in their company. It means standing up for them when they are not around, and not talking behind their back. It means celebrating their accomplishments, and holding space for their sorrows. It means boosting them up, not shutting them down.

It means telling them what they need to hear. It means forgiving them for hurting you, and trying to understand their side. It means asking about their life. It means not competing or one upping. It means keeping their secrets and trusting them with yours.

I have struggled most of my life with friendships. One-on-one 'ships seem to be easier for me, but group dynamics are particularly challenging. I struggle with concepts like popularity, gossip, social anxiety and side taking. It's why I don't get too close to people, generally.

In my years I have unfortunately found that it is often the people closest to you that can hurt you the most. I have learnt this time and time again, and have been on both sides of the coin. But the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for (Bob Marley).

This is why I like to be alone. When you're comfortable alone, nothing can hurt you. When you are your own best friend, you are whole. But it also makes you closed, and even sometimes unapproachable. And if you're not careful, it can lead to crippling loneliness.

There are so many people I have hurt, and who have hurt me. So many people I wish I had forgiven, or asked for forgiveness. People I wish I kept close, people wish I made the effort for. But sometimes, you just have to accept that they were "season or reason", not "for life" friends.

Realistically, unless you've burned bridges, you really are still friends. Just not close friends, or needy friends. You're doing your thing while they're on their grind. No offence taken, just busy lives.

My approach to friendship is not an ideal one. I don't contact my friends regularly, MAYBE they see me on their birthday, and I often break plans to accommodate my anxiety. But the ones who know me, and understand me, know I have nothing but love for them. Even if we haven't spoken in months, or more, they have a place in my heart always.

Long bouts of silence does not have to mean anger, or disinterest. It just means busy adult life. It's not a lack of respect or inconvenience, it's just having loud thoughts in a chaotic mind.

Friendship is a gift. I'm grateful for every friend I've ever had. And sure, it can be sad when you go from SO close to barely acquainted, but that's just kind of how life goes. You grow apart to make room for the new friends that come into your life. No use in taking it personally, you'll make yourself sick for nothing.

In the words of Ram Dass:

We're all just walking each other home.

All my love,