Lazy Productivity

If there's one thing I aced in University, it was the art of procrastination.

My room was always it's cleanest at exam time. Absolutely spotless, aired out and vacuumed twice. I'd think about what I needed from the grocery store, get outside onto my bike and decide it was too nice a day NOT to ride around for an entire afternoon. I'd get home and snack for the 5th time in 4 hours, make a playlist, work out. Basically... I'd do whatever it took to avoid opening a textbook.

This was also the time of my life when I would smoke bongs in bed and binge watch a TV series into the wee hours of the night. I know you know I know you can relate. Maybe not to the bong, but most definitely to the classic Netflix binge. Are you still watching?

As predicted but denied, my grades got really bad. I skipped so many classes and dropped so many courses, that I eventually just decided to drop out of school all together. Sure, there were other factors in my life at the time influencing my depression and anxieties, but what it came down to, was that I was drowning in apathy.

But for as much as it cost me and my family, I never regretted it, and still don't. For years afterwards, though, I couldn't commit to anything without leaving it prematurely. I dropped out of programs. I last minute quit jobs. I ducked out of relationships with barely a tip of the hat. I was a noncommittal, unaccountable mess down a very dark rabbit hole.

The shift came when I signed up for Massage Therapy. Let me explain:

I had just been fired from Sneaky Dee's for drinking on New Years, and was dumped by a sexy ex-con. I had to get back on the road as a Toronto bike messenger in the middle of winter. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty low. It is in the low times, though, that the Universe finds a way to speak to you. Tip you off, give you suggestions, and shows you a way to move on.

I'm going to get a bit dark for a quick sec, just so you know. At the time I told myself, if I didn't complete this program, I was done. With everything… if you know what I mean.

So I started my change when I gave myself a grim incentive. And yes, it was morbid, but it was probably the best thing I could have done for myself. The mind state I was in, I could deal with the disappointment of not achieving a positive outcome because that was Murphy's law and my expected fate. What I did was challenge my basic survival instincts and my guardian angels with such an awful proposition, because I knew they would NOT let me achieve that end.

Let me just say right now that this is NOT what I am recommending. It is just what I did to get myself through something I believed to be impossible. This is my story, and I'm telling you an ugly truth.

I will say though, once you've made that decision it's a great springboard to launch yourself into your potential. I was suddenly inspired to give it my very best go, my all. Because I wasn't willing to take that consequential fall...

Ok, I'll continue.

So the thing about Massage Therapy was that it checked a lot of things off my list. It was a flexible job, where I could choose my hours, be my own boss, even sleep-in if I want. Which I did, and I do. I could wear what I wanted (within reason), and have as many tattoos as I desired. It was a perfect fit for the things I prioritized in life.

And that's when the real learning started. Sure, anatomy, biology, physiology, pathology, neurology were the topics. But what I'm talking about is becoming a student.

In my first semester I discovered that having too much free time led to procrastination and concerning grades. So every semester following the first, I added a job to my docket.

By 4th semester I was waitressing weekends, delivering prescription medications for the old and sick after school, and delivering food on certain nights. Not surprisingly, this was also the semester I had the highest grades. I had given myself no choice to procrastinate, it was either do or die.

The way I organized, prioritized and executed was with lists. I'd do the easiest thing first, then the most important, and carry on until it was all crossed off.

There's a reason for that order. Doing the easy thing first makes you feel accomplished, and creates a momentum and motivation to get the next things done.

I adopted a reverse-procrastination mentality, which was essentially: If I do it now, I won't have to do it later.

I created a healthy competition in my mind. Measuring myself against friends, choosing the ones who set the bar high.

I also started to teach people what I was learning. Not in a formal sense, but just in conversation making. Doing this imprinted what I knew, and highlighted what I didn't. It created a confidence I hadn't ever really had before that time.

When I became this level of disciplined, I knew I had made a complete change. Whatever direction I was facing a few years before, now, I was facing the exact opposite way. I had hope, confidence, courage, faith. I believed in myself and had pride in my path. I abandoned the TV completely, an focused on my grind.

I'm not saying it was easy. If you think I didn't curse, and whine, I cry… I did. But I never gave up, because I couldn't accept the alternative.

Take what you want from this. Maybe you saw parts of yourself in it. Maybe you didn't. But that's my story. Well at least, a part of it.

All my love,

G